Kingdom of Royalty

Story...

Pre-caution: This goona be a long entry. And it is only for this one particular person. I had enough of playing games and I'm using this blog to let everything out because I can't get through to him. Read if you wanna read, don't if you don't wanna.


There was once when I was going through a whole pile of shiet. When everything just went downhill and straight to the drains. Well, I guess most of you know which part of my life I'm talking about, rite? Ok cool.

With all the bad emotions I was going through, there was great friends who stood beside me and just holding my hand and giving great support. And to them all, I wanna express my greatest thanks and a suppper huuge bear hugs!

There was this cousin of mine who decided to talk. What's amazing about it is that we never spoke to each other. The last time we spoke was like when we were kiddies. And so, we talked and somehow I enjoyed his company. That's all that we did, talked. I took him as a cousin, not even a friend.

We went out. Quite a number of time, and still I took and always kept in mind that he's a cousin and there's boundaries. He had been a great listener and great to crap to. So, basically I enjoyed his company. I really did, no question asked.

He was there when I needed him and he was always ready to spend time either talking or meeting me without much question asked. I liked the attention given and so I took him as a friend rather than a cousin. We became great friends. We could chat about anything under the sun.

Then this weird feeling came. I realised I had a crush on him. Oh well, he has all the things I've mentioned about the groom thingy, if you know what I mean. But still, I know the boundaries and HELL NO, we ever going to go for another futher step.

Then one day, I didn't know what happen. We were having fun and he was being bubbly. But there's this one day... Things was just different. I could feel it. He seems very weird. Very weird. And I wonder what's wrong.

He wasn't caring anymore. He wasn't there anymore. He wasn't he I thought he was. He turned to be someone else. I questioned myself did I do something wrong that he became like this? I questioned myself, and the smiles I had for that one week changes to questions and endless questions. Questions without answers.

2 occasions I dreamt about him. I told my sister about it, and upon hearing the 2nd dream, I think she couldn't handle it anymore. She began her word of vomit. She told me everything that she and him had smsed each other about. I was shocked to hear all he had said to her. And I was even disappointed that he thinks of me that way.

I tried to keep quiet about it cos I don't wanna makes things weird between us, cos we are still related no matter what. But I just couldn't. I confronted him thru sms, cos he won't answer my calls. I just needed to get it of my system and carry on with life.

He replied my sms with, "...... But I still want us to keep in contact." I was so ready to forget about that shiet, when he messaged that, I still thought he meant well. How niave I was. I don't know what he meant by that cos we didn't even contact each other. I tried, but I got a neagtive replied to every sms.

One day, his MSN nick was "BUZZ OFF and MOVE ON!" I felt it. I felt it so hard.. I know it was for me. I asked him, who's that nick for.... and he got the cheek to says, "It's for me!" (means, for himself). How could he lied to me straight at my face. Then, I decided to take it and so I did, BUZZ OFF!.

Then, I got to know he blocked me from MSN. HAH! And what did you say when I asked, "how come I don't see you online anymore?". He said this, "It has been a long time since I logged in." You want to lie to me? God is Almighty! You want to lie to me?????

You mentioned you're not ready to commit because you are busy with your family and friends. But you ARE finding yourselves a girlfriend, rite at this moment. WOW! Contradicting? I guess so.

You ate at Fish & Co. with your guy friends to celebrate a birthday? HAH!
Your last movie was MI3?! HAH!

And you talk about honesty. Well, you're showing alot of honestly down here, aren't you?

What you tell other people I don't bloody care. But why you just can't answer my simple questions? Why can't you just come clean with me?
Don't get angry with me cos I posted this on my blog, but I tried the nicer way. You just shut me off. I asked you nicely, you just shut me off.

All I needed from you was to be my friend, not my boyfriend. You're my cousin for godness sake! Even though I had a crush on you, you are my cousin sei. I wouldn't be dumb enough to get involve with ya.

It's just hilarious how you play this game. Very hilarious.
So, what are you?
Honest?
Nice?
Gentleman?
Sweet?
Caring?
Whatever you are, come clean with yourselves.
Wipe me out, cos I love the way we were before.

Not talking to each other, not even looking at each other, not even acknowledging each other, not even bothered with each other.
I think we were better off like that.

But hey, thanks to ya.... Now I know people who are so nice can still be evil deep inside.
"Dah lama tak online" eh? Kenape tak cakap ajer, I block you arh! You are too scary to talk too.
Haha!

Ok, I'm done here.

posted by NISA @ 3:24 PM